Ok, so, maybe you suffer from guilt over :
( You may want to skip over this section if you wince at the word "SEX" )

Ok, so on to the Wedding scenes. Making out with your fiancé or boyfriend before the wedding - whether the "morning of" or weeks / months ahead of time is no sin, it just means that you have moved up the date and time of your actual nuptials a little. God knows when and where you were married. Standing up in that lovely white dress in front of family and friends,  pledging your vows, exchanging rings, signing the registry and kissing is all very nice - but God does not require it, we humans do. Besides, with very few exceptions, you have likely long since made it known to everyone that you love each other, that you intend to be a couple, you have exchanged rings and they may have even seen you kiss. So the only thing you may not have done is sign the registry, pay the priest and possibly you may not have worn  a white dress ? If doing it all "traditionally" gave any couple a "lasting edge" - it sure as heck isn't showing up in any statistics I see. After much observation - initiated first by envy and then by curiosity, I tabled a "law" of weddings. It seems to me that "The length and quality of a marriage is inversely proportional to the size and cost of the wedding". Any of you noticed that ?  

Now, as for all those "Sex with someone other than your betrothed" incidents, they are clearly wrong, though some more serious than others. One comes across a few intriguing stories when listening up on matters sexual . I heard a man recall (with contempt) how he was at his cousin's wedding and dancing with the bride - who was intent on making him "Just one of the Lucky ones that night". She was a "Naughty nun"  ... there was much more evidence to suggest that ! Her life ended up in quite a mess, but as she aged, she seemed to have turned her life around. I guess, once you are married or betrothed, it's more of a problem (being unfaithful) than if you are dating, since once married you are committing adultery as well as hurting a lot of people and being selfish. When you are dating, you are hurting someone and being selfish but technically not committing adultery. "Sin is sin" ... Jesus made that clear, but lots of sins are more of a problem than fewer sins. i.e. 1 sin leaves you with 1 thing to be sorry about and feel guilt over while 10 sins make you struggling a lot with guilt and takes a longer time to work through. It is important to note that any sin admitted to Jesus and God and repented of, is really no sin at all - since it has been forgiven and is thus stricken from any records in Heaven - though not always down here on earth. God and Jesus have the ability to forgive your sins ... we as humans cannot do so on behalf of Heaven ... though often religious officials would have you believe they have a license to do this too. NOT ! You only have to talk to God and Jesus about your sins being forgiven in Heaven. Consider this ... If I had the ability to forgive sins I'd be having fun and forgiving myself all day long - so you see why only God and Jesus can forgive sin ? Perhaps some priests mistakenly think they have this ability ? This would explain why a few of them do some of the rather "bad" things we are not to do.

So that brings us to using Sex to trap someone into marriage. Marriage should be by mutual consent - with both parties in FULL agreement over how they feel about each other and their level of commitment to each other. Marriage is , after all, for life. So, one party wanting someone badly  and using their sexuality to ensnare the other party is more akin to covetousness than it is to love, and it also very rarely works long-term. If You want to be with him and he wants to be with you, then your relationship has a far better chance of lasting than if just you want to be with him or he with you. That's common sense. Since we are talking (presumably)  about an entire lifetime here, it makes sense to do your homework well and allow some time to let him / her prove their level of commitment. I always thought my wife took this advise too much to heart ... but she insists that she wanted to know if I would stick around during the tough times too and not just the fun times. She simply was not interested in anyone who would  live with her only while she was in her prime and take off to be with someone else later - thus wasting (maybe even trashing) her life. I cannot fault that reasoning - though the testing time was a little long and the tests quite severe. I think it is good advise to follow though - what's the rush ?

Exodus 20 - "The Ten Commandments" 
(I am listing these here for a very good academic reason)

This brings me to the crown-jewel of sexual sins, the "Love-affair". How can something so intriguing, exciting and alluring (and plain old addictive) be so wrong ? Well, ever think of all the other people that are inevitably going to get hurt ? Even perhaps the other participant in the affair ? Well, it's sure nice to know that someone else other than your husband / wife loves and desires you so much and, of course, all that sneaking around sure does add considerable adventure into a life more often spent carrying a new bag of potato chips and a beer to your husband sitting in front of the TV (in his vest) watching yet another football game - and totally ignoring you, but that does not make it right - just enjoyable. Isn't it strange how so many enjoyable things are wrong ? It kind of seems "unfair" ? Well, it's not the enjoyment that's wrong - it's the enjoyment at other's expense that is wrong. You see it's kind of flattering that someone else would break so many of God's commandments for "Little old you" and the excitement is likely directly proportional to the magnitude of the sins ... and in the case of "The Affair" quite a few of the above commandments are broken.  Besides adultery, the love-affair revolves around fulfilling selfish needs and knowing others are going to be (or could be) very badly hurt - but throwing all caution to the wind and doing it anyhow. Since you likely can be accused of "idolizing" the other participant in "the affair" (and maybe even yourself) as well as likely even sneaking around with him/her on Sunday, bringing dishonor to your parents, maybe provoking murder or murderous thoughts in someone directly or indirectly involved in "the affair", committing adultery (that's the obvious one), stealing someone's partner, bearing false witness (lying), coveting what is not yours and maybe even using God's name in vain to exclaim out loud "How great all this is" - do you realize that you have just broken 9 out of the 10 commandments of God ... and some may argue you have even broken the remaining one.  Little wonder why "the Affair" is seen as so very alluring and exciting - it's Satan's super-jackpot of  rebellious behavior towards God .. the ultimate, (bar 1 sin - the unforgivable sin), in sinning ! As well as betrayal and a total disregard for God's will for your life and that of your family, considering all of these "infringements" makes one realize pretty quickly why "the affair" is not something to be involved in at any level - even in your fantasies, which often leads to reality anyhow. It is like walking in a mine-field of sin, with explosions going off all around you and the adrenalin rushing through your veins. Just don't do it, and if you have - tell God (and everyone else you have hurt) how very very sorry you are, ask for their forgiveness and don't do it again. This brings me to another observational law: "The level of excitement of any sexual sin is directly proportional to it's severity (the number of God's commandments that are infringed by committing it) ... as is it's enjoyment and addictiveness".  "Love affairs" can be so very addictive that one affair is never enough, and pretty soon your whole life is revolving around getting others to validate you and make you feel desirable and good about yourself and your life. Often times, we feel great about ourselves if we can "turn the head" of someone else's husband (or wife) away from them and towards noticing us. Now that's a blatant attempt to get someone else to validate us. Have you ever stopped to think that we are here on earth for God to validate us - not each other ? It matters little what other people, even "important people", think of you - but it does matter what God thinks of you. To get God to validate your parking spot for Heaven, be carefully where you shop and what you buy when you are shopping here on earth ! Shop at home !  

My wife and I do know a little about this sin ... since in a way, our love and life together started as the result of "an affair" - but not quite like those that you would normally imagine. You will have to read the story I wrote about our love for each other to figure out what exactly happened ... but we do understand. 

Ok, so we could spend some time talking about the individual sex- acts  listed above, but once again, it is important to note that Jesus did not. He did emphasize loyalty in marriage  - living up to promises made. So, I have to assume that whatever happens between two mutually consenting adults within the confines of a stable loving relationship where there is no intent by one or the other (or both) people to break any commitments to the other (or each other) is OK  - and that includes oral sex and just about every other practice or position. The "clothing optional" items are only a problem if they lead others into temptation, else we are only guilty of wearing the clothes God gave us - our "Birthday suits". As for the flirting ones - flirt with your marriage partner, there is nothing wrong with that. Surprising your husband wearing only your engagement ring is nostalgic, not a sin. The fantasy thing can be a sin - but need not be. Just simply substitute your marriage partner in your fantasy ... which means you may stop having them, but "them's the breaks". Allowing your fiancé to admire your body is a little like going down to the Jewelers (every now and then)  to look at that lovely jewelry you have on layaway - but it's not a sin. Now I come to the part that always amazes me and I find truly astonishing. Believe it or not, there are those who believe that kissing before marriage is a sin and that French-kissing (you know ... passionate smooching) even after marriage is not only plain old disgusting but also sinful. I'm sure glad I didn't meet any of those girls when I was dating ! Well now, remember when I suggested that you audition (carefully) you future partner to uncover strange behavior and quirks that you may not want to live with - my advise to you is do so before you marry and if they display these kinds of quirks ... run for the hills ! These folks deserve to remain bachelors and spinsters. As to pre-marital Sex and heavy petting etc. it does matter at what age this occurs and if there is no intent to marry (no commitment) and is generally plain dangerous under most any circumstances. We do not let our children play with loaded guns ... and trust me, these are no less dangerous in their potential to harm people and change lives. Yet, if we are talking about these things happening between two consenting adults it is substantially different in it's potential to cause mayhem in people's lives than if we are talking about two 13 year olds. If you are a child, do not do this, one thing leads to another and pretty soon you are one mixed-up adult or one whose life is now very different to what it could have been. It's tough to stop once you have started, and you will appreciate it more when you are more ready and less when you started too young. If you are adults ... then this becomes a matter between the two of you and God. Ask Him if it's OK ... not me.

Now we do come to more clear-cut items. Sex with multiple partners is wrong. Once again, this could be seen as exciting, naughty, daring etc. but  it is also very damaging and really indicates an inability to say no to a manipulative partner or a deep-seated need for affirmation from others. The excitement is over all too soon and then you have to deal with the guilt - which you can try and ignore for a while, but which will always come back to haunt you and stunt your personal growth and happiness. My advise is simply "Stop it, say you are sorry to God and do not do it again". It is wrong for your partner to expect this of you and also for you to expect this of your partner.

"Living together without a license" is kind of like having a dog but not getting a dog tag from the city. I do not think God cares about the paperwork - just your intentions and actions. Those that point this out as a sin are simply making it up and trying to demonstrate their ability to lay guilt-trips and to control you.

Incest, being sexually abused as a child or being raped are not sins that you have to answer for ... you are the victim, and Jesus did VERY clearly indicate how the perpetrators are viewed by heaven ! See the passage below: 

Luke 17 ¹One day Jesus said to his disciples, "There will always be temptations to sin, but how terrible it will be for the person who does the tempting. ²It would be better to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around the neck than to face the punishment in store for harming one of these little ones.

Now, as to Masturbation - some religious scholars try (very hard) to point out that it is specifically mentioned in the bible - but it is not mentioned anywhere. A lot of other (non sexual) things are though, and they would be better served (as would we all) if they spent some time on some really worthwhile pursuits. This one issue has been the cause of so much misplaced guilt that people's lives have been ruined by it. If you think I'm making it up, research the life of the founder of Kellogg's (the cereal company) some time. The cereal  was first founded as a health food - to prevent young girls and boys from "abusing themselves"  or becoming sexually active. This man went on to marry ... but never consummate the marriage, or so the story goes. He also apparently suggested circumcision of young boys - without anesthetic and many youngsters were put to bed wearing straight jackets to prevent them from exploring their sexuality. "Only in America hey ? Sadly not !" In Africa, where I grew up, young girls routinely have their Clitoris cut-off to prevent them from ever enjoying sex - alone or with anyone else. I mean really folks, people can get quite ridiculous and even downright evil over matters sexual, while trying to tell you how "very holy" they are for taking a hard line on sexuality. My advise to them ? "Give me a break ... give us all a break ... do not make God out to be weird by association with you ". This act is often referred to as "Onanism" by some religious nuts - you know, those that give decent Godly folks a bad name. I challenge you to read the story of Onan (below) and tell me what his sin really was:

Genesis 38 ¹About this time, Judah left home and moved to Adullam, where he visited a man named Hirah. ²There he met a Canaanite woman, the daughter of Shua, and he married her. ³She became pregnant and had a son, and Judah named the boy Er. ⁴Then Judah's wife had another son, and she named him Onan. ⁵And when she had a third son, she named him Shelah. At the time of Shelah's birth, they were living at Kezib. ⁶When his oldest son, Er, grew up, Judah arranged his marriage to a young woman named Tamar. ⁷But Er was a wicked man in the LORD's sight, so the LORD took his life. ⁸Then Judah said to Er's brother Onan, "You must marry Tamar, as our law requires of the brother of a man who has died. Her first son from you will be your brother's heir." ⁹But Onan was not willing to have a child who would not be his own heir. So whenever he had intercourse with Tamar, he spilled the semen on the ground to keep her from having a baby who would belong to his brother. ¹⁰But the LORD considered it a wicked thing for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother. So the LORD took Onan's life, too. ¹¹Then Judah told Tamar, his daughter-in-law, not to marry again at that time but to return to her parents' home. She was to remain a widow until his youngest son, Shelah, was old enough to marry her. (But Judah didn't really intend to do this because he was afraid Shelah would also die, like his two brothers.) So Tamar went home to her parents. ¹²In the course of time Judah's wife died. After the time of mourning was over, Judah and his friend Hirah the Adullamite went to Timnah to supervise the shearing of his sheep. ¹³Someone told Tamar that her father-in-law had left for the sheep-shearing at Timnah. ¹⁴Tamar was aware that Shelah had grown up, but they had not called her to come and marry him. So she changed out of her widow's clothing and covered herself with a veil to disguise herself. Then she sat beside the road at the entrance to the village of Enaim, which is on the way to Timnah. ¹⁵Judah noticed her as he went by and thought she was a prostitute, since her face was veiled. ¹⁶So he stopped and propositioned her to sleep with him, not realizing that she was his own daughter-in-law."How much will you pay me?" Tamar asked. ¹⁷"I'll send you a young goat from my flock," Judah promised."What pledge will you give me so I can be sure you will send it?" she asked. ¹⁸"Well, what do you want?" he inquired.She replied, "I want your identification seal, your cord, and the walking stick you are carrying." So Judah gave these items to her. She then let him sleep with her, and she became pregnant. ¹⁹Afterward she went home, took off her veil, and put on her widow's clothing as usual. ²⁰Judah asked his friend Hirah the Adullamite to take the young goat back to her and to pick up the pledges he had given her, but Hirah couldn't find her. ²¹So he asked the men who lived there, "Where can I find the prostitute who was sitting beside the road at the entrance to the village?""We've never had a prostitute here," they replied. ²²So Hirah returned to Judah and told him that he couldn't find her anywhere and that the men of the village had claimed they didn't have a prostitute there. ²³"Then let her keep the pledges!" Judah exclaimed. "We tried our best to send her the goat. We'd be the laughingstock of the village if we went back again." ²⁴About three months later, word reached Judah that Tamar, his daughter-in-law, was pregnant as a result of prostitution. "Bring her out and burn her!" Judah shouted. ²⁵But as they were taking her out to kill her, she sent this message to her father-in-law: "The man who owns this identification seal and walking stick is the father of my child. Do you recognize them?" ²⁶Judah admitted that they were his and said, "She is more in the right than I am, because I didn't keep my promise to let her marry my son Shelah." But Judah never slept with Tamar again. ²⁷In due season the time of Tamar's delivery arrived, and she had twin sons. ²⁸As they were being born, one of them reached out his hand, and the midwife tied a scarlet thread around the wrist of the child who appeared first, saying, "This one came out first." ²⁹But then he drew back his hand, and the other baby was actually the first to be born. "What!" the midwife exclaimed. "How did you break out first?" And ever after, he was called Perez. ³⁰Then the baby with the scarlet thread on his wrist was born, and he was named Zerah.

By the way, I did cover this story in another section, you see, Tamar and Perez were some of Jesus' ancestors. It's pretty simple to see that "Onanism" should refer to a very sneaky deceitful, swindler - the kinds you ladies often meet in those bars. This incident is also used by yet other religious nuts to inform us that "Coitus-interruptus" and thus contraception is a sin. Well, I guess they too had a problem with simple comprehension. However, Judah was guilty of a quite a few sins - including sexual sin at that. It's Funny how these are glossed over so easily. After all, he was an important man - the fountainhead of the tribe of Judah, King David's family. I guess that's why not much of a fuss was made about him being a Jhon, while poor Tamar was about to be stoned to death for being a prostitute. So, then this supposedly Biblically based case against masturbation and contraception  is all clearly a case of "making it all up" - watch for these folks, they are dangerous and only seek to control you via guilt trips ... and how often they seem to get it right !

Well now, I think we have covered prostitution, working in the pornography industry, adultery, homosexuality and divorce earlier in the Biblical references to a few "Naughty Nuns" - or rather Jesus did, so I will not belabor  these anymore. I have not even started to scratch the surface of all things sexual that you may (or may not) feel guilty about ... but hopefully I have given you a methodology to evaluate these things without other's involvement. Sexuality is so much a part of every person, that it can easily be used to control you. It seems to be in our nature as humans to try to get people "off balance"  by making them feel guilty over something (sexuality is an easy candidate) and thus "enslave them" - but really that strategy comes from Satan - God's enemy, yours and ours, and it's amazing how many times the so called "People of God" use Satan's tactics - instead of God's. It's pretty clear they are "Wolves in sheep's clothing". God wants you to have a free will, to choose correctly and to learn to live a good and a full life -  free of guilt. Satan wants to do just the opposite, he wants to lead you to sin and then to control you with guilt. God knows this all too well - and He gives us a way out. He says: "Confess your sins to me, ask for forgiveness and I will not hold them against you ... then you do not have to feel guilty any longer ... you are free again ! " Well, you get to choose which outcome you want for your life ... not us. 

By the way, none of the ideas listed above is new you know … Sex acts, Sexual exploits and Sexual positions (the three S's) predate reading, writing and arithmetic in human civilizations. It's kind of like those signs up at a certain popular modern fast-food restaurant advertising "more than 3 billion served" … well, anything you can think about in the sexual arena has been done before, by at least 100's of millions of people, but likely billions of people, over thousands of years and many billions or possibly even trillions of times. So, if you feel you are breaking new ground in this arena - you may want to think again. There is a reason why I purposely left out "Having sex with a fellow astronaut who is your husband" - I thought the target audience too small to warrant inclusion … they are the only ones who could legitimately have "bragging rights" … though perhaps - somewhere in galaxy, far-far away ?

Anyhow, I have tried to be fairly comprehensive in compiling the list above, but I'm afraid, even at my age, my imagination has it's limits. In fact, more than half of these things may not even be sins to begin with and you have been running around with all that guilt for nothing ! There are likely many items missing from the list that you still feel are a reason to feel guilty. If this is so or any of the items listed above makes you believe that you will not be eligible for Heaven - you are completely wrong, for if it were so, hell would be overflowing and Heaven would have only a handful of humans residing there, with not even God's own awesome prophets, kings and queens anywhere to be seen ! NONE of these things listed above are the unforgivable sin, and there are many instances in the bible where God and Jesus and God's Prophets confirmed these sins were not going to be held against those that committed them ! Here is an example of Jhons being blamed by God - not the prostitutes:

 " God Condemns Israel's Idolatry "

Hosea 4   ⁷By adding more of you priests, you multiply the number of people who sin. Now I'll change your pride into shame. ⁸You encourage others to sin, so you can stuff yourselves on their sin offerings. ⁹That's why I will punish the people for their deeds, just as I will punish you priests. ¹⁰Their food won't satisfy, and having sex at pagan shrines won't produce children. My people have rebelled  ¹¹and have been unfaithful to me, their LORD.  My people, you are foolish because of too much pleasure and too much wine. ¹²You expect wooden idols and other objects of wood to give you advice. Lusting for sex at pagan shrines has made you unfaithful to me, your God. ¹³You offer sacrifices on mountaintops and hills, under oak trees, and wherever good shade is found. Your own daughters and daughters-in-law sell themselves for sex. ¹⁴But I won't punish them. You men are to blame, because you go to prostitutes and offer sacrifices with them at pagan shrines.

Guilt we want you to get rid of, hope we want to give to you, freedom we want to be yours, redemption we want you to enjoy, self-respect we want you to have back, love we want you to experience, victory over lust we want you to savor, Heaven we want you to reach for - BUT permission to test God's patience any further we ARE NOT granting you !