SEX ... "The BIG guilty" !

 


Can we talk "SEXY" for a while ?

Uncomfortable ? That's normal

The topic of "SEX" and "Sexuality" has been used to lay more guilt-trips on people throughout the ages than absolutely anything else has, ever ! Everyone has struggled with guilt or fear concerning their sexuality at some point in life. This web-site, and specifically this section, is for "Naughty Nuns", not for "Little Angels" - so if you are one of the very few lucky ones that suffers from no guilt and feels that you personally have never ever done anything ( sexually speaking ) that God may find somewhat offensive, then guess what ... you are in the wrong place and you can skip right over this section - and let me be the first to say "WOW", after all these years, I've finally met a "Little Angel" !

My own mother cannot even say the word "SEX". I always have so much fun with her when the topic comes up. She says "... you know" and I say "No ... what ?" (knowing full well what she is trying NOT to say) Then she says "You do know ... the S stuff" and I say "No mom ... what are you trying to say ?" Then she says "You know ... S - E - X " and I see her blush as she spells those three letters. Then I say "Oh SEX mom ...  well why didn't you just say so ?" and finally she laughs nervously. She is 70 now and a real classy lady, but still cannot talk very openly about SEX. Well, let us NOT do that. Let's be candid, for a while, and discuss something that most people struggle with in some way, at some level sooner or later in their life   ... yes, even us !

To be perfectly honest, it's hardly like we are perfect and anyhow, none of us have all the right answers for you and your life ... but God and Jesus do - and you should ask them for advise sometime. One thing I do know is that They will NEVER mislead you or lie to you ... that's a guarantee !  I am going to do my best to give you a practical methodology for reasoning through matters relating to possible sexual  fears, guilt etc. that is based on what Jesus taught, and that will enable you to deal with these issues in a clear and logical manner. But even then, I have to remind you that I am human, and a man, and thus I do recommend that you ask God and Jesus to verify what I'm saying.

Important:

Please note that it would be most unusual if you, me or anyone else were to have done none of the naughty things I am going to mention here (below) ... but it is just as unusual that you , me or anyone else has done all of the things I will be mentioning below. So, when you are reading this section, please do not be offended when you read "You" - since if something doesn't apply to you personally, then obviously it just makes for interesting reading ... but just maybe you know of someone it does apply to and can help ? 

OK ... for now then, just keep an open mind:

What exactly does the bible say about Sex and love ? What practices are actually taboo and which are fabricated taboos ? How did some of the misconceptions around "Sex as Sin" arise - and why these should be ignored. What did Jesus, St. Paul and the other's close to Jesus say about Sex within marriage, Sex, marriage and divorce ? (You will be amazed at the answer to these questions actually) I believe that whenever Jesus directly spoke on these issues, that should take precedence over anything else said on the matter - in the Old and New testaments, but that those around Him also must have often heard Him talk about these issues and it is wise to listen up to what they have to say as well. I (personally) place less emphasis on what Leviticus and other early books of the "laws of the Jews" said, since they are superceded in many ways by what Jesus taught. Why ? Well you will read why below.  So, what can stand in the way of you going to Heaven ... and what cannot ? I will do my best to answer those questions as truthfully as possible. 

Guilt about Sex has been used as a major tool to make us all squirm and conform for centuries. However, women feel way more guilt on sexual issues than do men. We want to ease that burden of guilt as much as possible. 

The most important starting point is this: 

If God were quite pleased with the way the religious leaders of the day were representing Him and His messages and requirements of us, why would He have gone to the trouble of sending His only Son Jesus on that all important mission - To dwell amongst us Humans for a while, and to explain what God was really like and what God really expected  from us ? Which one of us will gladly put their own child through so much pain and suffering for no purpose what so ever ? You see, God was not pleased about the ways the Jewish religious leaders had been misrepresenting Him and His requirements of us and the ways in which they were serving  (or in their case NOT serving)  Him. Jesus' mission then was to "save us from their tyranny" - and at times I must admit we seem about in as much need to be saved from this kind of tyranny today as they were then ... but I'd rather suffer than expect God to put His Son through that brutal treatment by the so-called religious leaders ... ever again !

So, the Key to any of my arguments on "SEX" and other issues is this:  

God sent Jesus to be our Savior - to lead us out from under the tyranny of men claiming to represent God, but really only representing their own selfish interests. Our appetite for food and Sex (the two most basic human instincts) is a great way for religious leaders to "control" us - both then and now ! Jesus was sent to tell us about God (nobody else was more qualified to do so than God's own Son) and to warn us clearly about what God did expect of us and, by implication, also to set the record straight on what God did not view as important. He did not shirk his God given mission, he spoke clearly about both food and sex. So, If Jesus made a specific mention of something, then I would suggest we sit up and pay attention, if not, then I would argue that it cannot be that important. Why ? Well, since God sent His Son on this all important one-time mission, why would he fail to tell us about the really important requirements God had of us ? If His mission was to be our Savior, then why would he purposely lead us astray by not emphasizing the things that were VERY important to Almighty God ? If He did this, He would not be saving us and showing us how to please God and get to Heaven, but instead He would be condemning us to hell. Of course He did not do this. He was and is our Savior ... so we aught to take what he said seriously and also not put words in his mouth about what he did not say.

So what did Jesus say regarding Sexuality ? Well, the answer is "Surprisingly little !" What is more, unlike the religious leaders of the day (and of these days) who liked to single "Sex sins" out as the most heinous of all sins, Jesus treated it as simply just another sin - refusing to harshly condemn these sinners (as the religious leaders did then and do now) and instead always extended an offer of forgiveness and God's mercy to the sinner. 

Why do religious teacher's harp on Sex sins so very much ? Well my wife spent her youth attending a Presbyterian church where their minister would regularly rally against  the evils of "Sex and sexual sins" and she has a theory about why he did ... because of his own guilt on the subject. What is more, he never once mentioned what was required (as Jesus taught) for a person to be "Saved", but he did seem rather pre-occupied with "Sex". Now, it is doubtful we will see that minister in Heaven one day, but if I do, I want to "thump him good " ... a few times for giving all his parishioners so many hang-ups and a few times for not doing his job and telling people how to get to Heaven. Sometimes it just seems there is no sin other than "Sexual sin" ?

I will get to specific instances of Jesus' teachings on these matters soon, but first, I would like to quote St. Paul on the subject of Marriage and Sex, since he clearly expressed an opinion on just how much Jesus said about Celibacy, Sex and Marriage and, as you will see, his words have a nice ring to them ! 

 1 Corinthians 7: "Now I will answer the questions that you asked in your letter. You asked, "Is it best for people not to marry?"  2Well, having your own husband or wife should keep you from doing something immoral. 3Husbands and wives should be fair with each other about having sex. 4A wife belongs to her husband instead of to herself, and a husband belongs to his wife instead of to himself.  5So don't refuse sex to each other, unless you agree not to have sex for a little while, in order to spend time in prayer. Then Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  6In my opinion that is what should be done, though I don't know of anything the LORD said about this matter. 7I wish that all of you were like me, but God has given different gifts to each of us. 8Here is my advice for people who have never been married and for widows. You should stay single, just as I am.  9But if you don't have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with desire. 10I instruct married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the LORD himself taught. A wife who leaves her husband 11should either stay single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife. 12I don't know of anything else the LORD said about marriage. All I can do is to give you my own advice. If your wife isn't a follower of the LORD, but is willing to stay with you, don't divorce her. 13If your husband isn't a follower, but is willing to stay with you, don't divorce him.  14Your husband or wife who isn't a follower is made holy by having you as a mate. This also makes your children holy and keeps them from being unclean in God's sight. 15If your husband or wife isn't a follower of the LORD and decides to divorce you, then you should agree to it. You are no longer bound to that person. After all, God chose you and wants you to live at peace. 16And besides, how do you know if you will be able to save your husband or wife who isn't a follower?" 

What is important in St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians (above) is that he admits (quite candidly in verse 6) that Jesus said surprisingly little about Sex within marriage and about celibacy - unlike the religious leaders then and now. They all wanted to (and still seem to want to) literally get into your marriage bed and dictate to you what is allowable and what is not. I guess they think they are more knowledgeable  that Jesus and that he must have "messed up" and "forgot to mention" several important things regarding sex that they must now inform us of ? Well my answer to them is simply this: "Jesus is my savior, not you, and he would not have omitted to warn me about anything, that I could routinely do, that would lead me to Hell !" 

My Dad is a retired Physician, and in his practice he used to advise Men, when asked regarding the health of their prostate gland - a major worry for most men, that they should "use it or loose it". He recounts one resourceful man turning to him with a big smile saying "Gee Doc, could you please give me a prescription for that - so I can take it home to my wife ?" Needless to say, my dad found this request quite humorous. 

Notice though that St. Paul (in his letter above) does give both husbands and wives a "prescription" to present to each other. He simply states that it is not only a husband's pleasure but his duty to fulfill his wife's sexual needs (and visa versa), and that the only exception should be by mutual consent - and then only as a brief temporary measure so that both can spend time in prayer. Notice he did not say that TV, shopping, a sports game, a night out with the boys/gals etc. was reason enough to abstain. In other words, A husband or wife should not unilaterally decide to limit having sex or refuse his/her partner's advances. St. Paul suggests that they are  to have sex as frequently as they each need and have a great and fulfilling sex-life. Now that's in the Bible ! Why? The reason given is simple. A woman or man that is sexually frustrated is more likely to stray than those that are not, and straying is a major cause of pain in a couple and a family's lives and, conversely, a fulfilling sex-life serves as a strong glue binding a couple together in an intimate bond that can withstand huge pressures from Satan ... and these will come - count on it!  I know this sounds like a "Crazy Glue" commercial, but it's true, Sex forms a strong bond between a loving couple - but it needs to be reapplied  ... often.

As a humorous aside, my wife and I have (mostly) enjoyed a very close relationship all the way back from our mid-teens till now ... and we pray it continues that way (you can read part of our story some time) and, by the way, by mutually agreed upon choice, we were not sexually active in our teens - though, honestly, we were often mutually tempted to change that decision. However, we were always seen walking hand-in-hand by the grownups around us, and one day several of them  ( seen here sitting drinking their beers ) stopped us and asked us why this was ? Being 17 and not knowing quite how to respond to their question -  and still holding Jennifer's hand, I replied "Crazy-glue".  These men and ladies found this answer humorous and always commented on the need for carrying around a tube of the stuff when courting a young lady. I'll bet that they never suspected that their question would be "discussed" in this manner. You see, back in 1972 there was no "Word-Wide-Web". Sadly, at least one of them is now dead.

Well, back to biblical matters ... St Paul then gave some very simple and  practical advise. Here then is a clear Biblical example of why "Not having sex is dangerous and often leads to sin" - something that most of us would have never have thought too deeply on ! Can you imagine a sermon on "the sin of NOT having sex" ? That would be quite refreshing, but don't hold your breath!

So ladies, when you see your husband sitting in front of the TV set (yet again) eating corn chips. drinking beer and watching that all important 1,000th football game, thus fulfilling his vows to the networks - but not to you ...  go and put on your "favorite sexy-naughty-nightie", take the Bible with you, turn to "1 Corinthians 7 verse 3-5", grab him by the ear, walk him towards the bedroom, sit him down on the edge of the bed and tell him to "read it - and obey it dear". Now why would a woman not want her husband to be a Godly man ? Of course ladies, the reverse is just as true, as you read above.

It is also interesting to note that every legitimate study of human sexuality finds that those in a stable loving relationship are significantly more satisfied (sexually) than those that are not. It almost seems to defy logic since one would think that those who are out and about seducing everyone and anyone that they can must be having GREAT SEX and we must all be missing out on something ? At least that is what most TV shows, movies and books seem to be telling us all the time. Well, credible scientific studies refutes their views.

Ok, so now that I've interested you all in marriage, what exactly constitutes becoming a married couple in Heaven's book ? 

Governments would have you believe that you are married when you pay their agents and agencies for a  marriage license and then say your "I do's" before an official that they "OK" to perform marriages. The government,  by the way,  is who licenses any priest who performs marriages too, though they would have you believe that God does that. I really suggest you ask to see their "license from Heaven" sometime. The only one they can produce is the one from some government authorizing them to perform marriage ceremonies. So how then did people like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob get married ? Well, biblically speaking, that answer is given in GENESIS 24, with verse 62-67 detailing the actual marriage ceremony:

 57They answered, "Let's ask Rebekah what she wants to do."  58They called her and asked, "Are you willing to leave with this man right now?" "Yes," she answered. 59So they agreed to let Rebekah and an old family servant woman leave immediately with Abraham's servant and his men. 60They gave Rebekah their blessing and said, "We pray that God will give you many children and grandchildren and that he will help them defeat their enemies."  61Afterwards, Rebekah and the young women who were to travel with her prepared to leave. Then they got on camels and left with Abraham's servant and his men. 62At that time Isaac was living in the southern part of Canaan near a place called "The Well of the Living One Who Sees Me." 63-65One evening he was walking out in the fields, when suddenly he saw a group of people approaching on camels. So he started toward them. Rebekah saw him coming; she got down from her camel, and asked, "Who is that man?" "He is my master Isaac," the servant answered. Then Rebekah covered her face with her veil.e 66The servant told Isaac everything that had happened. 67Isaac took Rebekah into the tentf where his mother had lived before she died, and Rebekah became his wife. He loved her and was comforted over the loss of his mother. 

 e 24.63-65 covered...veil: Since the veiling of a bride was part of the wedding ceremony, this probably means that she was willing to become the wife of Isaac.

 f 24.67 took...tent: This shows that Rebekah is now the wife of Isaac and the successor of Sarah as the leading woman in the tribe.

You will find that there were no priests or government officials or marriage licenses anywhere in sight!  Now I am not suggesting you disobey the government, that could get me into a whole heap of trouble. Humor them ... get the license. However, for all of those of you who chose to marry without their piece of paper (and by all accounts that's a lot of people nowadays) - do not fret unduly, God is not going to ask to see your license from the "State of Nevada", or anyplace else for that matter ... but he did notice when you and your partner decided to become "a couple" and consummated your marriage. By the way, this does not mean that anyone whom you slept with is your husband  ... he may represent your "indiscretion, your folly or your desire" but marriage is by "mutual consent between two adults, with God as your witness" and you do not need other witnesses, that's the government's requirement. God made a note of your mutual consent and vows of love to one another - as well as the date. That's your anniversary by the way.  

Do you realize that priests only became a reality after the Israelites left slavery in Egypt to journey to "the Promised Land" ? That is when the tribe of Aaron (Moses' brother) were appointed to be priests. It was an inherited position, and pretty soon they had to justify their existence and make people pay for them and their services. Amongst other things, they levied a 10% tax on gross-income. It did not take long for religious matters to revolve around money. Jesus, during his mission amongst us, did spend quite some time chastising them (rather angrily) for misusing their position as religious leaders in society. He clearly indicated that God was not pleased with many of the things they were doing and the things they were expecting of us, and I suspect that is still as true today. We do need people dedicated to serving God and us. We do not need people dedicated to serving themselves by using our belief in and fear of  God to control us, fleece us and terrorize us.

So what did Jesus say about individual sexual acts, frequency of sex, locations, nudity etc. inside of marriage  ? Nothing ! Don't you think that if there was something sexual we could do with our partners (husbands or wives) that would stand between us and Heaven that our Savior would have taken some time, while He was here on His one-time super-critical mission,  to warn us about it ? Of course He would have warned us. However, He did warn us that there is a immutable law of God that takes precedent in any relationship, including that between a Husband and a wife. You simply do not insist that your partner do something (sexual or otherwise) that they really do not enjoy or want to do. You have to be sensitive to their likes and dislikes too. However, this reasoning does not stretch to "I do not like sex (in any form) anymore - so stop it" - since when you enter into a marriage, sex becomes part and parcel of the relationship, and cannot be separated out from the rest of the relationship. It means that if your partner confides in you telling you that they did not enjoy a particular sexual act - then you are obliged to respect their feelings and do not repeat it or pressure them into repeating it. All the same, as long as you are a happily married, loyal and loving couple, how you conduct your sex-life within the confines of your marriage is really your own business - not ours, or any Priest, Pastor, or Rabbi's business. If they try and tell you that you should feel guilty over doing something or other (relating to your sex-life), simply tell them Jesus did not see fit to tell anyone any of those things and to "butt out of your sex-life" !  

What did Jesus say about marriage, divorce and celibacy ?

"Discussion about Divorce and Marriage"

Matthew
19 1After Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went southward to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. 2Vast crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick. 3Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: "Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for any reason?" 4"Haven't you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that from the beginning `God made them male and female.' 5And he said, `This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' 6Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together." 7"Then why did Moses say a man could merely write an official letter of divorce and send her away?" they asked. 8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God had originally intended. 9And I tell you this, a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery--unless his wife has been unfaithful." 10Jesus' disciples then said to him, "Then it is better not to marry!" 11"Not everyone can accept this statement," Jesus said. "Only those whom God helps. 12Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made that way by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone who can, accept this statement."

Ok, so there are quite a few things here. First note that Jesus does not sanction same-sex marriages, just  those between male and female. He goes on to say how perfectly natural it is for a man and a woman to unite as a couple, and that when they do, they are a couple for life, with VERY few exceptions! He does say that divorce is allowable in cases of adultery and other deviant sexual practices - but not mandatory. He also mentions that in certain special cases, celibacy is preferable to marriage  - where it enables one to better serve God, however Jesus is pretty clear that this is NOT mandatory either, and is not to be "the rule" but rather "the exception". There is also a VERY clear warning that NOBODY should ever come between a husband and wife in an attempt to separate them - since then they would be directly opposing God's plan for that couple and would effectively be working for the other side. As for actually divorcing a partner without "just-cause" - the warning is clearly that this person then goes on to commit adultery and that the divorced partner is made to commit adultery too if she (or he) then marries someone else - which sounds a bit scary at first until you continue on and see what exactly Jesus means by this, and then you breathe a sigh of relief.

NOW ... just in case you folks are feeling about like his disciples did upon hearing this very rigid ruling, relax, there is hope and a way out to Heaven - which as just as well for almost every last one of us alive, women and men.

So then, Jesus was pretty clear that divorce without just cause is Sin, as is adultery, same-sex marriages (relationships) and trying to split-up a married couple. Worse yet is the realization that most all of us have committed adultery. "WHAT ?" ... you may say ... "Never - no not I !"  Yep ... it's true !  Welcome to the club. You see, Jesus clearly says:

"Teaching about Adultery"

Matthew 5 27"You have heard that the law of Moses says, `Do not commit adultery.' 28But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

YIKES !! This one really hit home when I read and understood it! And just in case you ladies think Jesus is only speaking about us guys ... think again. This applies to all your fantasies about ... well, any guy really. You see, Jesus knew that the fantasy comes first ... then the reality. Sooner or later you will be given the chance by Satan to act out your fantasy, and the passion will be tangible - as will be the price everyone ultimately pays.

BUT all sin (barring 1) is forgivable  - even adultery and they do not have to lead to Hell. What you need is for God to forgive the "adultery", "the affair", "the divorce" etc. so that you effectively get a clean slate and can start life anew. How do I know this ? Well besides the "old-testament" account of David and Bath-Sheba and their adulterous love-affair, let's look at Jesus' practical application of his own words and teachings from the new-testament:

"A Woman Caught in Adultery"

Matthew 8 1Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, 2but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. 3As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and Pharisees brought a woman they had caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. 4"Teacher," they said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the very act of adultery. 5The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?" 6They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.. 7They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, "All right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!" 8Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust. 9When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?" 11"No, Lord," she said. And Jesus said, "Neither do I. Go and sin no more."

Now what is very significant about Jesus' words and actions is the last sentence. Jesus did NOT condemn this woman to Hell (though he clearly had the power to find her guilty and condemn her to Hell)  and He also knew exactly how God wanted Him to deal with her sin. Instead he said "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?"  "No, Lord," she said. And Jesus said,  "Neither do I. Go and sin no more."

So,  here is a story of a "Naughty Nun" that ended very happily. This then is very good news for all of us ... even those smug ones who like to point to others who have gone through with the physical act of adultery, while thinking how very pure they are. Do make a note of  Jesus' words though, "Neither do I. Go and sin no more." means that your adultery, affair, divorce etc, are quite forgivable by God, but you are to strive to sin no more. Nobody is perfect, and God knows we never will be perfect (after all He made us) but he does expect us to continuously improve our lives. We cannot adopt a strategy of  having affairs and committing adultery and getting married and then divorced again  ... and again,  with brief periods of remorse and repentance interspersed amongst it all - just enough to wipe the slate clean and thus allow for the next round of "Shenanigans" to begin, all the time thinking that we have a perfect "way out" at the end of it all. That is not a smart strategy ! On the other hand, just how many times will God forgive the sins of a "Naughty Nun" ? Well, you will be most surprised at that answer ... there is a practical example of that, but you will have to read 1 more paragraph first.

Imagine, for a minute, what a shock it was for me: I have spent a life-time fascinated by women (sometimes to my detriment) BUT always consciously fighting my very strong male instincts and urges to the point of even politely declining downright exciting and blatant advances (throughout my youth and adult life) made by gorgeous girls and ladies - often leaving them wondering what is wrong with me (or with them) and then I find out that I'm just as guilty as all those "Cads" ... you know, the ones I used to despise for being so weak and for taking advantage of you ladies ... the ones who never passed up any opportunity that came their way and even went out of their way to engineer several opportunities where none existed ... simply because at some point I may have momentarily entertained the thought of "what it could have been like with ___ ". So, I'm just as glad and relieved to hear this news as you may be, perhaps even more so. Now, I would like to meet the man or woman who genuinely never has committed adultery ... in practice or in their hearts. If any of you should know such a person, might I suggest we will gladly pay for a Polygraph test ... I think they will fail that test. So, "Adulterers" we all are ! Remember that the next time you are sitting listening to the "Piousness" of some priest or rabbi and their rather harsh line against "adulterers". 

Ok, so how did Jesus view repeat offenders ?

"Jesus and the Samaritan Woman"

John 4 1Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard, "Jesus is baptizing and making more disciples than John" 2(though Jesus himself didn't baptize them--his disciples did). 3So he left Judea to return to Galilee. 4He had to go through Samaria on the way. 5Eventually he came to the Samaritan village of Sychar, near the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. 6Jacob's well was there; and Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. 7Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, "Please give me a drink." 8He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food. 9The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, "You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?" 10Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water." 11"But sir, you don't have a rope or a bucket," she said, "and this is a very deep well. Where would you get this living water? 12And besides, are you greater than our ancestor Jacob who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his cattle enjoyed?" 13Jesus replied, "People soon become thirsty again after drinking this water. 14But the water I give them takes away thirst altogether. It becomes a perpetual spring within them, giving them eternal life." 15"Please, sir," the woman said, "give me some of that water! Then I'll never be thirsty again, and I won't have to come here to haul water." 16"Go and get your husband," Jesus told her. 17"I don't have a husband," the woman replied. Jesus said, "You're right! You don't have a husband-- 18for you have had five husbands, and you aren't even married to the man you're living with now." 19"Sir," the woman said, "you must be a prophet. 20So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped?" 21Jesus replied, "Believe me, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father here or in Jerusalem. 22You Samaritans know so little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. 23But the time is coming and is already here when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way. 24For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth." 25The woman said, "I know the Messiah will come--the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us." 26Then Jesus told her, "I am the Messiah!" 27Just then his disciples arrived. They were astonished to find him talking to a woman, but none of them asked him why he was doing it or what they had been discussing. 28The woman left her water jar beside the well and went back to the village and told everyone, 29"Come and meet a man who told me everything I ever did! Can this be the Messiah?" 30So the people came streaming from the village to see him. 31Meanwhile, the disciples were urging Jesus to eat. 32"No," he said, "I have food you don't know about." 33"Who brought it to him?" the disciples asked each other. 34Then Jesus explained: "My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work. 35Do you think the work of harvesting will not begin until the summer ends four months from now? Look around you! Vast fields are ripening all around us and are ready now for the harvest. 36The harvesters are paid good wages, and the fruit they harvest is people brought to eternal life. What joy awaits both the planter and the harvester alike! 37You know the saying, `One person plants and someone else harvests.' And it's true. 38I sent you to harvest where you didn't plant; others had already done the work, and you will gather the harvest."

"Many Samaritans Believe"

39Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, "He told me everything I ever did!" 40When they came out to see him, they begged him to stay at their village. So he stayed for two days, 41long enough for many of them to hear his message and believe. 42Then they said to the woman, "Now we believe because we have heard him ourselves, not just because of what you told us. He is indeed the Savior of the world."

Well, this is how Jesus dealt with a woman who had been married 5 times and was currently living with a man but not married to him ... you know,  "Living in sin". This would mean that she not only committed adultery many times but led others to do the same. She did not just get divorced once but 5 times and now was not even willing to marry the man she was living with. ( By the way, God does have a major problem with a "lack of commitment"  and "a lack of loyalty" - whether to Him or each other ! )  Well now, did  Jesus condemn her to Hell ? Did he say "Really lady, your not even a Jew, you have been married 5 times, divorced 5 times, committed adultery scores of times, now you are living in sin with yet another guy ... there is no hope for you, just pack you bags and get ready for Hell ... you have a one way ticket, Ok !" Of course not. Jesus, even knowing all of these things about her, simply said to her "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water."

Once again, this extreme case of a very "Naughty Nun" ended happily. I doubt there are many of you who have been as naughty as this Samaritan woman, but even if you have, the good news is that God has a very precious gift specifically for you ... forgiveness and salvation. Simply admit your guilt (you will notice she did not try and cover hers up - what's the point, we cannot fool God ! ) and ask God and Jesus for forgiveness and mercy and you will get it ... and a whole new life !

We are almost ready now to put all this knowledge to some practical tests. But first, let us look at one more of Jesus' teachings on these subjects:

"Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman"

Luke 7 36One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for a meal, so Jesus accepted the invitation and sat down to eat. 37A certain immoral woman heard he was there and brought a beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume. 38Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. 39When the Pharisee who was the host saw what was happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, "This proves that Jesus is no prophet. If God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She's a sinner!" 40Then Jesus spoke up and answered his thoughts. "Simon," he said to the Pharisee, "I have something to say to you." "All right, Teacher," Simon replied, "go ahead." 41Then Jesus told him this story: "A man loaned money to two people--five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. 42But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?" 43Simon answered, "I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt." "That's right," Jesus said. 44Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn't offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You didn't give me a kiss of greeting, but she has kissed my feet again and again from the time I first came in. 46You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. 47I tell you, her sins--and they are many--have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." 48Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your sins are forgiven." 49The men at the table said among themselves, "Who does this man think he is, going around forgiving sins?" 50And Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

Once again, Jesus did not condemn Mary (Identified in John 11) to Hell. In fact, He not only forgave her sins, but declared her "Saved". Now, what must be understood clearly is that Jesus knew the things Mary had done, for He said: "I tell you, her sins--and they are many--have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love."

For Jesus to categorize Mary's sins as  "many" is quite an interesting statement. First of all, let none of us fool ourselves into believing our sins are "hidden" from Heaven, they are not ! Secondly, from Heaven's perspective, nothing's new ... not Mary's sins or mine or yours, and for Jesus to categorize her sins as "many" signifies strongly that we were looking at a bona-fide "Naughty Nun" here - likely way naughtier than you have ever been. It is widely believed that Mary was not only a very sexually promiscuous woman, but also a prostitute. We may, for a while, be able to hide our sins from each other, but what does it really matter, since we do not have the power to forgive each other on behalf of God or condemn each other to Hell - that's clearly in Heaven's domain

But the part that comes next is always what truly fascinates me, for we are told (and even expected) to act in a completely different way by most of our religious leaders and religious family and friends. 

"The Death of Lazarus"

John 11 1A man named Lazarus was sick. He lived in Bethany with his sisters, Mary and Martha. 2This is the Mary who poured the expensive perfume on the Lord's feet and wiped them with her hair. Her brother, Lazarus, was sick. 3So the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, "Lord, the one you love is very sick." 4But when Jesus heard about it he said, "Lazarus's sickness will not end in death. No, it is for the glory of God. I, the Son of God, will receive glory from this." 5Although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, 6he stayed where he was for the next two days and did not go to them. 7Finally after two days, he said to his disciples, "Let's go to Judea again." 8But his disciples objected. "Teacher," they said, "only a few days ago the Jewish leaders in Judea were trying to kill you. Are you going there again?" 9Jesus replied, "There are twelve hours of daylight every day. As long as it is light, people can walk safely. They can see because they have the light of this world. 10Only at night is there danger of stumbling because there is no light." 11Then he said, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but now I will go and wake him up." 12The disciples said, "Lord, if he is sleeping, that means he is getting better!" 13They thought Jesus meant Lazarus was having a good night's rest, but Jesus meant Lazarus had died. 14Then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead. 15And for your sake, I am glad I wasn't there, because this will give you another opportunity to believe in me. Come, let's go see him." 16Thomas, nicknamed the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, "Let's go, too--and die with Jesus." 17When Jesus arrived at Bethany, he was told that Lazarus had already been in his grave for four days. 18Bethany was only a few miles down the road from Jerusalem, 19and many of the people had come to pay their respects and console Martha and Mary on their loss. 20When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary stayed at home. 21Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask." 23Jesus told her, "Your brother will rise again." 24"Yes," Martha said, "when everyone else rises, on resurrection day." 25Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die like everyone else, will live again. 26They are given eternal life for believing in me and will never perish. Do you believe this, Martha?" 27"Yes, Lord," she told him. "I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who has come into the world from God." 28Then she left him and returned to Mary. She called Mary aside from the mourners and told her, "The Teacher is here and wants to see you." 29So Mary immediately went to him. 30Now Jesus had stayed outside the village, at the place where Martha met him. 31When the people who were at the house trying to console Mary saw her leave so hastily, they assumed she was going to Lazarus's grave to weep. So they followed her there. 32When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell down at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." 33When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, he was moved with indignation and was deeply troubled. 34"Where have you put him?" he asked them. They told him, "Lord, come and see." 35Then Jesus wept. 36The people who were standing nearby said, "See how much he loved him." 37But some said, "This man healed a blind man. Why couldn't he keep Lazarus from dying?"

"Jesus Raises Lazarus from the Dead "

38And again Jesus was deeply troubled. Then they came to the grave. It was a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance. 39"Roll the stone aside," Jesus told them. But Martha, the dead man's sister, said, "Lord, by now the smell will be terrible because he has been dead for four days." 40Jesus responded, "Didn't I tell you that you will see God's glory if you believe?" 41So they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, "Father, thank you for hearing me. 42You always hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so they will believe you sent me." 43Then Jesus shouted, "Lazarus, come out!" 44And Lazarus came out, bound in grave clothes, his face wrapped in a head cloth. Jesus told them, "Unwrap him and let him go!"

Wow ... awesome ! Yes, it is indeed awesome that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead ... but that's not why I said "Wow". I mean, Jesus, The Perfect Holy Son of our Perfect Holy All Powerful God hanging out with Mary and her family and counting them as His close friends - that's "Naughty naughty Mary " and her family ... now that's truly awesomeDon't you get it yet ? God loves you so very very much ... yes, even (or maybe even especially)  you ... even if you are a "Naughty Nun" ... but you must act like Mary did - with a contrite heart and soul. Humble yourself before Jesus and God and all of Heaven. Admit your humanity. Stop any self-deprecating and damaging behavior, turn your life around ... turn all your needs and hurts and guilt over to Jesus and to God. Just simply pour out your soul to them ... they will hear you and welcome you ...do it now ... please ! 

There you have it ... the very basic foundation of all that we need to know about Sex and Sexuality. We all are subject to it's appeal ... and it need not be reason enough to send us off to Hell and to distance us from the Love of God !

Why would we want to risk the wrath of the religious establishments and talk so openly about SEX?

Well, Guilt almost always prevents people from living full and rewarding lives. Many times it actually stands in the way of people wanting to get to know God and Jesus and work for Heaven's cause ... many feel "What's the point, I'm Hell bound anyway, I've committed adultery" … or something like that. Well we just want to assure you … nothing could be further from the truth, and we there are many great examples of Bible ladies (some of whom you have already read about) that will shoot down those fears of yours and hopefully set you free from guilt and start you on the road to recovery so that you can live a full and happy life - with God at the very center of your life and you and your loved ones bound for Heaven !

You know, personally I have always been fascinated by "Naughty Nuns" - their passion for love and life as well as their passionately held (but not always correct) beliefs are very attractive qualities. I get very bored by people who cannot show passion for anything. I have met and  hung-out with many a "Naughty Nun" in my short but blessedly un-boring life. I love the twinkle in their eyes ... their mischievous smile ... their energy for life and for love that they exude. I have found that they mostly do respect me for keeping my own passions in check and still wanting to be their friend anyhow, but some do really wonder if they have "lost their powers". They have not, I just do not wish to render my whole life and mission meaningless for a momentary dalliance. All the same, I was so very gratified to read how Jesus also found "Naughty Nuns" such worthy company ... if you read above how He counted Mary, Martha and Lazarus amongst His dearest friends. Somehow, all those so called religious folks who look down their noses at me and others  for having any dealings with the "Naughty Nuns" of the world, just are not able to upset me anymore. In fact, I pity them and think how very un-like Jesus they have become, when what we should be doing is striving to become more like Him. I have a challenge for them: "Set your piety, pride and perfection aside for a while to become human again ... and associate freely with all the other sinners too - not just yourself and those in your family or church - you know,  the way Jesus did. You will find that we ALL fall short of the mark, and that we are all in this together."

So, what qualifies us to talk with you on any of these issues ? Simply put, we care. This is for us is quite literally a "labor of love". In our early 40's we walked away from a very lucrative life, in the computer industry, to start a rather different kind of a ministerial mission : non-denominational, self-funded  with no membership asked for or required and totally anonymous. Thus there is nothing to gain for us in you pleasing God … and nothing for us to lose either. The gains and losses are entirely yours ! We have already done what is required to secure our own and our family's salvation, and I suppose we could just have gone on with our lives and ignored any other confused and  hurting souls out there - but we were moved by people's plights, and decided that as one little family, we would do our very best to do something about it - with God's inspiration and help. Has God inspired and helped us ? Well, think on this: In high school I was the one voted (by my English teacher) to be the one (of his students) least likely to ever write anything with emotional content or that would move anyone to anything other than complete boredom. And so it stayed for many years. Now, throw in the fact that for all of my ancestors, English was a foreign language that most had (and still do) have trouble speaking. One day, after I became a Christian at age 37, I began to write ... and found there had been a complete transformation in my ability to express myself with the written word and in my writing style. As a result, besides "The Naughty Nun" we do have something very unique to offer you … our own love's story, the story of our love and struggles. It's pretty precious to us really, so sharing it openly presented a bit of a personal tussle. My wife and I talked about this at some length and decided that rather than just simply shut-up about personal (even very personal) things that have happened in our lives, we would tell others about them in a candid and (hopefully) classy manner - in an effort to help others also struggling with Love, spirituality, sex, lust, friendship, family relationships ... pretty much adult life in general. We also decided, though we own a publishing company, to make it freely available for others to read … because that is how the Good Lord gave this love story to us … freely. To be honest, we have just barely started telling this story, and have barely touched on our own humanity, but over time we will share more of it with you. You can read it below (the link - "Young Lovers" points to it) but remember, it will be expanded over time. The story consists of only a few select excerpts - the whole story is just too shocking to reveal right now. What is (somewhat) unique about our love's story ? Well, for starters, while being at least every bit as hot-blooded as anyone else - even from a very early age, now at 45 and 44 respectively, we are still each other's only lover - ever. We have known each other for 30 years now - so you can assume we were childhood sweethearts. Well, in a way we were. Did we date others ? Yes, many. Were we ever tempted by others and have we ever struggled with lust and temptation ? Honestly - Yes … both in our youth and in our adult lives, and this is perfectly normal. How did we stop from straying ? Our genuine love and concern for each other and our fear of offending God has always managed to override our lust and desires, though obviously this is not a subject that one sentence can do justice to. Do we think this will ever change ? We pray that it will not. Until now, with God's continued Love, guidance and blessing, our love, friendship, loyalty and fear of God has prevailed, and will pray they will continue to do so. Does this make us any "better than" you or anyone else ? Heck No ! Though it does make us somewhat unusual nowadays- a bit of an endangered species and it means that we simply have 1 less thing to make us feel guilty.

We can sincerely tell you one thing from personal experience ...

Great Sex is a wonderful side-effect of Great Love and rightfully should result in no guilt - but sometimes does anyway. However we have noticed that the reverse is seldom true … Sex, even Great Sex, does not often result in Great Love (let alone Love) and frequently results in plenty of Guilt - which very often is effectively temporarily suppressed , but always returns to haunt people's lives and does limit (often severely) their happiness . The choice is yours ...

The statement we are trying to make is twofold: 

Firstly, it is possible for you to stop any damaging behaviors and enjoy a very fulfilling love life (and a great sex life, by the way) that pleases God and yourselves - FULLY ! Secondly (and more importantly), NOTHING you have ever done involving SEX can separate you from the Love of God - if only you ask for and accept His forgiveness, Love, redemption and salvation.

Sex can be more addictive (by far) than smoking or drug use … in fact it is often used as a narcotic by people to deal with other problems in their lives - most all of which are emotional and/or spiritual. People substitute sex for many personal needs, but as with a crutch, it can at best only help you limp along when what you really need is to be able to walk freely, confidently and enjoyably. It's allure is so powerful that overcoming the urge to engage in inappropriate sexual activities is very often tougher than quitting smoking or kicking a drug habit. But, what's not possible for us as humans, is possible for us with God's help. Does this mean NO SEX ? Heck no ! Just no inappropriate sex. Now this is where we may be of some help to you. You see, not understanding what is "appropriate" and "inappropriate" is what leads to guilt, and guilt very effectively stands in the way of true happiness and success - in almost every aspect of one's life. We want to make sure, as best we can, that you do not suffer inappropriate guilt, and that you do understand that guilt is sometimes appropriate - but even then there is a very effective way to deal with guilt !

No, inappropriate Sex is NOT the worst sin, though it often is made to seem that way. It is way down on the list actually - in fact it is well below even PRIDE, and that is what those many preachers, pastors, priests, ministers,  reverends, bishops, rabbis etc. display a lot of … when looking down their noses at you ... for being human. Perhaps in the future we will try to deal with these matters in a more comprehensive manner, but in the meanwhile, just trust us when we tell you that NO sex-sin can ever stop you from achieving God's mercy and His forgiveness - BUT "fessing up to your sins" privately - to God and/or Jesus, is essential ! You cannot just simply overlook them - neither will God …BUT He will forgive them - when genuinely asked to do so.

We know ... "We have been there and done that".

Till later then … God bless !

Sincerely … with much love,
Ian and Jennifer.



PS. Now we are ready to start applying this methodology
Sexploits
 

Meet my Sweety ...

Young lovers ...

Romantic Art ...
 
 
 

 

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