Can we talk "SEXY" for a while ?
Uncomfortable ? That's normal !
The topic of "SEX" and "Sexuality" has been used to lay
more guilt-trips on people throughout the ages than absolutely anything
else has, ever ! Everyone has struggled with guilt or fear concerning their
sexuality at some point in life. This web-site, and specifically this section,
is for "Naughty Nuns", not for "Little Angels" - so
if you are one of the very few lucky ones that suffers from no guilt and feels
that you personally have never ever done anything ( sexually speaking )
that God may find somewhat offensive, then guess what ... you are in the wrong
place and you can skip right over this section - and let me be the first
to say "WOW", after all these years, I've finally met a "Little
My own mother cannot even say the word "SEX". I always have so much fun with her when the topic comes up.
She says "... you know" and I say "No ... what ?" (knowing full well what she is trying NOT to say) Then she says "You do know ... the S stuff" and I say "No mom ... what
are you trying to say ?"
Then she says "You know ... S - E - X " and I see her blush as she spells
those three letters. Then I say "Oh SEX mom ... well why didn't you
just say so ?" and finally she laughs nervously.
She is 70 now and a real classy lady, but still cannot talk very openly about SEX. Well,
let us NOT do that. Let's be candid, for a while, and discuss something that most people
struggle with in some way, at some level sooner or later in their
life ... yes, even us !
To be perfectly honest, it's hardly like we are perfect and anyhow, none of us have all the right answers for you and
your life ... but God and Jesus do - and you should ask them for advise
sometime. One thing I do know is that They will NEVER mislead you or lie to you ... that's a guarantee
! I am going to do my best to give you a practical methodology for reasoning
through matters relating to possible sexual fears, guilt etc. that is
based on what Jesus taught, and that will enable you to deal with these issues in a clear and
logical manner. But even then, I have to remind you that I am human, and a man,
and thus I do recommend that you ask God and Jesus to
verify what I'm saying.
Please note that it
would be most unusual if you, me or anyone else were to have done none of the
naughty things I am going to mention here (below) ... but it is just as unusual
that you , me or anyone else has done all of the things I will be mentioning
below. So, when you are reading this section, please do not be offended when you
read "You" - since if something doesn't apply to you
personally, then obviously it just makes for interesting reading ... but just
maybe you know of someone it does apply to and can help ?
OK ... for now then, just keep an open mind:
What exactly does the bible say about Sex and love ? What practices are actually taboo and which are fabricated taboos ? How did some of the misconceptions around
"Sex as Sin" arise - and why these should be ignored. What did Jesus,
St. Paul and the other's close to Jesus say about Sex within marriage, Sex,
marriage and divorce ? (You will be amazed at the answer to these questions actually)
I believe that whenever Jesus directly spoke on these issues, that should take precedence
over anything else said on the matter - in the Old and New testaments, but that
those around Him also must have often heard Him talk about these issues and it
is wise to listen up to what they have to say as well. I (personally) place less
emphasis on what Leviticus and other early books of the "laws of the
Jews" said, since they are superceded in many ways by what Jesus
taught. Why ? Well you will read why below. So, what can stand in the way of you going to Heaven ... and what cannot ?
I will do my best to answer those questions as truthfully as possible.
Guilt about Sex has been used as a major tool to make us all squirm and conform for centuries.
However, women feel way more guilt on sexual issues than do men. We want to ease
that burden of guilt as much as possible.
The most important starting point is this:
If God were quite pleased with the way the religious leaders of the day were
representing Him and His messages and requirements of us, why would He have gone
to the trouble of sending His only Son Jesus on that all important mission - To
dwell amongst us Humans for a while, and to explain what God was really like and
what God really expected from us ? Which one of us will gladly put their
own child through so much pain and suffering for no purpose what so ever ? You
see, God was not pleased about the ways the Jewish religious leaders had been
misrepresenting Him and His requirements of us and the ways in which they
were serving (or in their case NOT serving) Him. Jesus' mission then was
to "save us from their tyranny" - and at times I must admit we seem
about in as much need to be saved from this kind of tyranny today as they were
then ... but I'd rather suffer than expect God to put His Son through that
brutal treatment by the so-called religious leaders ... ever again !
So, the Key to any of my arguments on "SEX"
and other issues is
God sent Jesus to be our Savior - to lead us out from under the tyranny of
men claiming to represent God, but really only representing their own selfish
interests. Our appetite for food and Sex (the two most basic human instincts) is
a great way for religious leaders to "control" us - both then and now
! Jesus was sent to tell us about God (nobody else was more qualified to do
so than God's own Son) and to warn us clearly about what God did expect of us
and, by implication, also to set the record straight on what God did not view as
important. He did not shirk his God given mission, he spoke clearly about
both food and sex. So, If Jesus made a specific mention of something, then I would
suggest we sit up and pay attention, if not, then I would argue that it cannot
be that important. Why ? Well, since God sent His Son on this all important
one-time mission, why would he fail to tell us about the really important requirements
God had of us ? If His mission was to be our Savior, then why would he purposely
lead us astray by not emphasizing the things that were VERY important to
Almighty God ? If He did this, He would not be saving us and showing us how to
please God and get to Heaven, but instead He would be condemning us to hell. Of
course He did not do this. He was and is our Savior ... so we aught to take what
he said seriously and also not put words in his mouth about what he did not say.
So what did Jesus say regarding Sexuality ? Well, the answer is
"Surprisingly little !" What is more, unlike the religious leaders of
the day (and of these days) who liked to single "Sex sins" out as the most
heinous of all sins, Jesus treated it as simply just another sin - refusing
to harshly condemn these sinners (as the religious leaders did then and do now)
and instead always extended an offer of forgiveness and God's mercy to the
Why do religious teacher's harp on Sex sins so very much ? Well my
wife spent her youth attending a Presbyterian church where their minister would
regularly rally against the evils of "Sex and sexual sins"
and she has a theory about why he did ... because of his own guilt on the
subject. What is more, he never once mentioned what was required (as Jesus
taught) for a person to be "Saved", but he did seem rather
pre-occupied with "Sex". Now, it is doubtful we will see that minister
in Heaven one day, but if I do, I want to "thump him good " ... a few
times for giving all his parishioners so many hang-ups and a few times for not
doing his job and telling people how to get to Heaven. Sometimes it just seems there
is no sin other than "Sexual sin" ?
I will get to specific instances of Jesus' teachings on these
matters soon, but first, I would like to quote St. Paul on the subject of Marriage and Sex, since he clearly
expressed an opinion on just how much Jesus said about Celibacy, Sex and Marriage
and, as you will see, his words have a nice ring to them !
1 Corinthians 7:
will answer the questions that you asked in your letter. You asked, "Is it
best for people not to marry?" 2Well, having your own
husband or wife should keep you from doing something immoral. 3Husbands
and wives should be fair with each other about having sex. 4A
wife belongs to her husband instead of to herself, and a husband belongs to his
wife instead of to himself. 5So don't refuse sex to each other,
unless you agree not to have sex for a little while, in order to spend time in
prayer. Then Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of
self-control. 6In my opinion that is what should be done,
though I don't know of anything the LORD said about this matter. 7I
wish that all of you were like me, but God has given different gifts to each of
us. 8Here is my advice for people who have never been
married and for widows. You should stay single, just as I am. 9But
if you don't have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all,
it is better to marry than to burn with desire. 10I instruct
married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the LORD himself
taught. A wife who leaves her husband 11should either stay
single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife. 12I
don't know of anything else the LORD said about marriage. All I can do is to
give you my own advice. If your wife isn't a follower of the LORD, but is
willing to stay with you, don't divorce her. 13If your husband
isn't a follower, but is willing to stay with you, don't divorce him. 14Your
husband or wife who isn't a follower is made holy by having you as a mate. This
also makes your children holy and keeps them from being unclean in God's sight. 15If
your husband or wife isn't a follower of the LORD and decides to divorce you,
then you should agree to it. You are no longer bound to that person. After all,
God chose you and wants you to live at peace. 16And besides, how
do you know if you will be able to save your husband or wife who isn't a
What is important in St. Paul's letter to
the Corinthians (above) is that he admits (quite candidly in verse 6) that Jesus
said surprisingly little about Sex within marriage and about celibacy - unlike the religious
leaders then and now. They all wanted to (and still seem to want to) literally
get into your marriage bed and dictate to you what is allowable and what is not.
I guess they think they are more knowledgeable that Jesus and that he must
have "messed up" and "forgot to mention" several important
things regarding sex that they must now inform us of ? Well my answer to them is simply
this: "Jesus is my savior, not you, and he would not have omitted to warn me about
anything, that I could routinely do, that would lead me to Hell !"
My Dad is a retired Physician, and in his practice
he used to advise Men, when asked regarding the health of their prostate gland -
a major worry for most men, that they should "use it or loose it".
He recounts one resourceful man turning to him with a big smile saying "Gee
Doc, could you please give me a prescription for that - so I can take it home to
my wife ?" Needless to say, my dad found this request quite humorous.
Notice though that St. Paul (in his letter
above) does give both husbands and wives a "prescription" to
present to each other. He simply states that it is not only a husband's pleasure
but his duty to fulfill
his wife's sexual needs (and visa versa), and that the only exception
should be by
mutual consent - and then only as a brief temporary measure so that both can
spend time in prayer. Notice he did not say that TV, shopping, a sports game, a
night out with the boys/gals etc. was reason enough to abstain. In other words, A husband or wife
should not unilaterally
decide to limit having sex or refuse his/her partner's advances. St. Paul
suggests that they are to have sex as frequently as they each need and
have a great and fulfilling sex-life. Now that's
in the Bible ! Why? The reason given is simple. A woman or man that is
sexually frustrated is more likely to stray than those that are not, and
straying is a major cause of pain in a couple and a family's lives and, conversely,
a fulfilling sex-life serves as a strong glue binding a couple together
in an intimate bond that can withstand huge pressures from Satan ... and these
will come - count on it! I know this sounds like a "Crazy Glue"
commercial, but it's true, Sex forms a strong bond between a loving couple - but
it needs to be reapplied ... often.
As a humorous aside, my wife and I have
(mostly) enjoyed a very close relationship all the way back from our mid-teens
till now ... and we pray it continues that way (you can read part of our
story some time) and, by the way, by mutually agreed upon choice, we were
not sexually active in our teens - though, honestly, we were often mutually
tempted to change that decision. However, we were always seen walking
hand-in-hand by the grownups around us, and one day several of them ( seen
here sitting drinking their beers ) stopped us and asked us why this was ?
Being 17 and not knowing quite how to respond to their question - and
still holding Jennifer's hand, I replied "Crazy-glue".
These men and ladies found this answer humorous and always commented on the need
for carrying around a tube of the stuff when courting a young lady. I'll bet
that they never suspected that their question would be "discussed" in
this manner. You see, back in 1972 there was no "Word-Wide-Web".
Sadly, at least one of them is now dead.
Well, back to biblical matters ...
St Paul then gave some very simple and practical advise. Here then is a clear
Biblical example of why "Not
having sex is dangerous and often leads to sin" - something that most of us would have
never have thought too deeply on ! Can you imagine a sermon on "the sin of NOT having sex"
? That would be quite refreshing, but don't hold your breath!
So ladies, when you see your husband
sitting in front of the TV set (yet again) eating corn chips. drinking beer and
watching that all important 1,000th football game, thus fulfilling his vows
to the networks - but not to you ... go and put on your "favorite
sexy-naughty-nightie", take the Bible with you, turn to "1
Corinthians 7 verse 3-5", grab him by the ear, walk him towards the
bedroom, sit him down on the edge of the bed and tell him to "read it - and obey
Now why would a woman not want her husband to be a Godly man ? Of course ladies, the reverse is
just as true, as you read above.
It is also interesting to note that every
legitimate study of human sexuality finds that those in a stable loving
relationship are significantly more satisfied (sexually) than those that are
not. It almost seems to defy logic since one would think that those who are out
and about seducing everyone and anyone that they can must be having GREAT
SEX and we must all be missing out on something ? At least that is what most TV
shows, movies and books seem to be telling us all the time. Well, credible
scientific studies refutes their views.
Ok, so now that I've
interested you all in marriage, what exactly constitutes becoming a married couple
in Heaven's book ?
Governments would have you believe that
you are married when you pay their agents and agencies for a marriage license and then say your "I
do's" before an official that they "OK" to perform marriages.
The government, by the way, is who licenses any priest who performs marriages too, though
they would have you believe that God does that. I really suggest you ask to see
their "license from Heaven" sometime. The only one they can produce is
the one from some government authorizing them to perform marriage ceremonies. So
how then did people like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob get married ? Well, biblically
speaking, that answer is given in GENESIS 24, with verse 62-67 detailing
the actual marriage ceremony:
answered, "Let's ask Rebekah what she wants to do." 58They
called her and asked, "Are you willing to leave with this man right
now?" "Yes," she answered. 59So they agreed to
let Rebekah and an old family servant woman leave immediately with Abraham's
servant and his men. 60They gave Rebekah their blessing and
said, "We pray that God will give you many children and grandchildren and
that he will help them defeat their enemies." 61Afterwards,
Rebekah and the young women who were to travel with her prepared to leave. Then
they got on camels and left with Abraham's servant and his men. 62At
that time Isaac was living in the southern part of Canaan near a place called
"The Well of the Living One Who Sees Me." 63-65One
evening he was walking out in the fields, when suddenly he saw a group of people
approaching on camels. So he started toward them. Rebekah saw him coming; she
got down from her camel, and asked, "Who is that man?" "He is my
master Isaac," the servant answered. Then Rebekah covered her face with her
servant told Isaac everything that had happened. 67Isaac
took Rebekah into the tentf
where his mother had lived before she died, and Rebekah became his wife. He
loved her and was comforted over the loss of his mother.
covered...veil: Since the veiling of a bride was part of the wedding ceremony,
this probably means that she was willing to become the wife of Isaac.
took...tent: This shows that Rebekah is now the wife of Isaac and the successor
of Sarah as the leading woman in the tribe.
You will find that there were no priests
or government officials or marriage licenses anywhere in sight! Now I am
not suggesting you disobey the government, that could get me into a whole heap
of trouble. Humor them ... get the license. However, for all of those of you who
chose to marry without their piece of paper (and by all accounts that's a lot of
people nowadays) - do not fret unduly, God is not going to ask to see your license
from the "State of Nevada", or anyplace else for that matter ... but
he did notice when you and your partner decided to become "a couple"
and consummated your marriage. By the way, this does not mean that anyone whom
you slept with is your husband ... he may represent your "indiscretion,
your folly or your desire" but marriage is by "mutual consent between two
adults, with God as your witness" and you do not need other witnesses, that's the
government's requirement. God made a note of your mutual consent and vows of love to one another -
as well as the date. That's your anniversary by the way.
Do you realize that priests only became a reality
after the Israelites left slavery in Egypt to journey to "the Promised
Land" ? That is when the tribe of Aaron (Moses' brother) were appointed
to be priests. It was
an inherited position, and pretty soon they had to justify their existence and
make people pay for them and their services. Amongst other things, they
levied a 10% tax on gross-income. It did not take long for religious matters to
revolve around money. Jesus, during his mission amongst us, did spend quite some time
chastising them (rather angrily) for misusing their position as religious
leaders in society. He clearly indicated that God was not pleased with many of
the things they were doing and the things they were expecting of us, and I suspect that is still as true today. We do need
people dedicated to serving God and us. We do not need people dedicated to serving
themselves by using our belief in and fear of God to control us, fleece
us and terrorize us.
So what did Jesus say about individual sexual acts, frequency of sex,
locations, nudity etc. inside of marriage ? Nothing ! Don't you
think that if there was something sexual we could do with our partners (husbands
or wives) that would stand between us and Heaven that our Savior would have
taken some time, while He was here on His one-time super-critical
mission, to warn us about it ? Of course He would have warned us.
However, He did warn us that there is a immutable law of God that takes precedent
in any relationship, including that between a Husband and a wife. You simply do
not insist that your partner do something (sexual or otherwise) that they really
do not enjoy or want to do. You have to be sensitive to their likes and dislikes
too. However, this reasoning does not stretch to "I do not like sex (in any
form) anymore - so stop it" - since when you enter into a marriage,
sex becomes part and parcel of the relationship, and cannot be separated
out from the rest of the relationship. It means that if your partner confides
in you telling you that they did not enjoy a particular sexual act - then you
are obliged to respect their feelings and do not repeat it or pressure them into
repeating it. All the same, as long as you are a happily married, loyal and
loving couple, how you conduct your sex-life within the confines of your
marriage is really your own business - not ours, or any Priest, Pastor, or
Rabbi's business. If they try and tell you that you should feel guilty over
doing something or other (relating to your sex-life), simply tell them Jesus did
not see fit to tell anyone any of those things and to "butt out of your
What did Jesus say about marriage, divorce and celibacy ?
about Divorce and Marriage"
1After Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and
went southward to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan
River. 2Vast crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick. 3Some
Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: "Should a man be
allowed to divorce his wife for any reason?" 4"Haven't
you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They
record that from the beginning `God made them male and female.' 5And
he said, `This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to
his wife, and the two are united into one.' 6Since
they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined
them together." 7"Then why did Moses say a man could
merely write an official letter of divorce and send her away?" they asked. 8Jesus
replied, "Moses permitted divorce as a concession to
your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God had originally intended.
9And I tell you this, a man who divorces his
wife and marries another commits adultery--unless his wife has been
unfaithful." 10Jesus' disciples then said to him,
"Then it is better not to marry!" 11"Not
everyone can accept this statement," Jesus said. "Only
those whom God helps. 12Some are born as
eunuchs, some have been made that way by others, and some choose not to marry
for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone who can, accept this
Ok, so there are quite a few things here. First note that Jesus does not
sanction same-sex marriages, just those between male and female. He goes
on to say how perfectly natural it is for a man and a woman to unite as a
couple, and that when they do, they are a couple for life, with VERY few
exceptions! He does say that divorce is allowable in cases of adultery and other
deviant sexual practices - but not
mandatory. He also mentions that in certain special cases, celibacy is preferable to
marriage - where it enables one to better serve God, however Jesus is
pretty clear that this is NOT mandatory either, and is not to be "the
rule" but rather "the exception". There is also a VERY clear
warning that NOBODY should ever come between a husband and wife in an attempt to
separate them - since then they would be directly opposing God's plan for that
couple and would effectively be working for the other side. As for actually
divorcing a partner without "just-cause" - the warning is clearly that
this person then goes on to commit adultery and that the divorced partner is
made to commit adultery too if she (or he) then marries someone else - which
sounds a bit scary at first until you continue on and see what exactly Jesus
means by this, and then you breathe a sigh of relief.
NOW ... just in case you folks are feeling about like his disciples did
upon hearing this very rigid ruling, relax, there is hope and a way out to
Heaven - which as just as well for almost every last one of us alive, women and
So then, Jesus was pretty clear that divorce without just cause is Sin, as is adultery, same-sex marriages
(relationships) and trying to split-up a married couple. Worse yet is the
realization that most all of us have committed adultery. "WHAT ?" ... you
may say ... "Never - no not I !" Yep ... it's true ! Welcome
to the club.
You see, Jesus clearly says:
have heard that the law of Moses says, `Do not commit adultery.' 28But
I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already
committed adultery with her in his heart.
YIKES !! This one really
hit home when I read and understood it! And just in case you ladies think Jesus
is only speaking about us guys ... think again. This applies to all your
fantasies about ... well, any guy really. You see, Jesus knew that the fantasy
comes first ... then the reality. Sooner or later you will be given the
chance by Satan to act out your fantasy, and the passion will be tangible
- as will be the price everyone ultimately pays.
BUT all sin (barring 1) is forgivable
- even adultery and they do not have to lead to Hell. What you need is for God
to forgive the "adultery", "the affair", "the
divorce" etc. so that you effectively get a clean slate and can start life
anew. How do I know this ? Well
besides the "old-testament" account of David and Bath-Sheba and their
adulterous love-affair, let's look at Jesus' practical application of his own words and
teachings from the new-testament:
"A Woman Caught in Adultery"
1Jesus returned to the Mount
of Olives, 2but early the next morning he was back again at the
Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. 3As
he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and Pharisees brought a woman
they had caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. 4"Teacher,"
they said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the very act of adultery. 5The
law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?" 6They were
trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus
stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger.. 7They kept
demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, "All
right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first
stones!" 8Then he stooped down again and wrote in the
dust. 9When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one,
beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd
with the woman. 10Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, "Where
are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?" 11"No,
Lord," she said. And Jesus said, "Neither do I.
Go and sin no more."
Now what is very significant
about Jesus' words and actions is the last sentence. Jesus did NOT condemn this
woman to Hell (though he clearly had the power to find her guilty and condemn
her to Hell) and He also knew exactly how God wanted Him to deal with her
Instead he said "Where
are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?"
"No, Lord," she said. And Jesus said, "Neither
do I. Go and sin no more."
So, here is a story of a
"Naughty Nun" that ended very happily. This then is very good
news for all of us ... even those smug ones who like to point to others who have
gone through with the physical act of adultery, while thinking how very pure
they are. Do make a note of Jesus' words though, "Neither
do I. Go and sin no more." means that your adultery, affair,
divorce etc, are quite forgivable by God, but you are to strive to sin no more.
Nobody is perfect, and God knows we never will be perfect (after all He made us)
but he does expect us to continuously improve our lives. We cannot adopt a strategy
of having affairs and committing adultery and getting married and then
divorced again ... and again, with brief periods of remorse and
repentance interspersed amongst it all - just enough to wipe the slate clean and
thus allow for the next round of "Shenanigans" to begin, all
the time thinking that we have a perfect "way out" at the end of it
all. That is not a smart strategy ! On the other hand, just how many times will
God forgive the sins of a "Naughty Nun" ? Well, you will be
most surprised at that answer ... there is a practical example of that, but you
will have to read 1 more paragraph first.
Imagine, for a minute, what a
shock it was for me: I have spent a life-time fascinated by women (sometimes
to my detriment) BUT always consciously fighting my very strong male
instincts and urges to the point of even politely declining downright
exciting and blatant
advances (throughout my youth and adult life) made by gorgeous girls and ladies
- often leaving them wondering what is wrong with me (or with them) and
then I find out that I'm just as guilty as all those "Cads" ...
you know, the ones I used to despise for being so weak and for taking advantage
of you ladies ... the ones who never passed up any opportunity that came
their way and even went out of their way to engineer several opportunities
where none existed ... simply because at some point I may have momentarily
entertained the thought of "what it could have been like with ___ ".
So, I'm just as glad and relieved to hear this news as you may be, perhaps even
more so. Now, I would like to meet the man or woman who genuinely never has committed
adultery ... in practice or in their hearts. If any of you should know such a
person, might I suggest we will gladly pay for a Polygraph test ... I think they
will fail that test. So, "Adulterers" we all are ! Remember
that the next time you are sitting listening to the "Piousness" of
some priest or rabbi and their rather harsh line against
Ok, so how did Jesus
view repeat offenders ?
"Jesus and the
John 4 1Jesus
learned that the Pharisees had heard, "Jesus is baptizing and making more
disciples than John" 2(though Jesus himself didn't baptize
them--his disciples did). 3So he left Judea to return to Galilee. 4He
had to go through Samaria on the way. 5Eventually he came to the
Samaritan village of Sychar, near the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his
son Joseph. 6Jacob's well was there; and Jesus, tired from the long
walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. 7Soon a Samaritan
woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, "Please
give me a drink." 8He was alone at the time because his
disciples had gone into the village to buy some food. 9The woman
was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She
said to Jesus, "You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you
asking me for a drink?" 10Jesus replied, "If
you only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I
would give you living water." 11"But sir, you
don't have a rope or a bucket," she said, "and this is a very deep
well. Where would you get this living water? 12And besides, are you
greater than our ancestor Jacob who gave us this well? How can you offer
better water than he and his sons and his cattle enjoyed?" 13Jesus
replied, "People soon become thirsty again after
drinking this water. 14But the water I
give them takes away thirst altogether. It becomes a perpetual spring within
them, giving them eternal life." 15"Please,
sir," the woman said, "give me some of that water! Then I'll never
be thirsty again, and I won't have to come here to haul water." 16"Go
and get your husband," Jesus told her. 17"I don't
have a husband," the woman replied. Jesus said, "You're
right! You don't have a husband-- 18for
you have had five husbands, and you aren't even married to the man you're
living with now." 19"Sir," the woman said,
"you must be a prophet. 20So tell me, why is it that you Jews
insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim
it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshiped?" 21Jesus
replied, "Believe me, the time is coming when it
will no longer matter whether you worship the Father here or in Jerusalem.
22You Samaritans know so little about the one
you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the
Jews. 23But the time is coming and is
already here when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in
truth. The Father is looking for anyone who will worship him that way. 24For
God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in
truth." 25The woman said, "I know the Messiah will
come--the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything
to us." 26Then Jesus told her, "I
am the Messiah!" 27Just then his disciples arrived.
They were astonished to find him talking to a woman, but none of them asked
him why he was doing it or what they had been discussing. 28The
woman left her water jar beside the well and went back to the village and told
everyone, 29"Come and meet a man who told me everything I ever
did! Can this be the Messiah?" 30So the people came streaming
from the village to see him. 31Meanwhile, the disciples were urging
Jesus to eat. 32"No," he
said, "I have food you don't know about."
33"Who brought it to him?" the disciples asked each
other. 34Then Jesus explained: "My
nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing
his work. 35Do you think the work of
harvesting will not begin until the summer ends four months from now? Look
around you! Vast fields are ripening all around us and are ready now for the
harvest. 36The harvesters are paid
good wages, and the fruit they harvest is people brought to eternal life. What
joy awaits both the planter and the harvester alike! 37You
know the saying, `One person plants and someone else harvests.' And it's true.
38I sent you to harvest where you didn't
plant; others had already done the work, and you will gather the
39Many Samaritans from the village
believed in Jesus because the woman had said, "He told me everything I
ever did!" 40When they came out to see him, they begged him to
stay at their village. So he stayed for two days, 41long enough for
many of them to hear his message and believe. 42Then they said to
the woman, "Now we believe because we have heard him ourselves, not just
because of what you told us. He is indeed the Savior of the world."
Well, this is how Jesus dealt with a woman who
had been married 5 times and was currently living with a man but not married
to him ... you know, "Living in sin". This would mean
that she not only committed adultery many times but led others to do the same.
She did not just get divorced once but 5 times and now was not even willing to
marry the man she was living with. ( By the way, God does have a major problem
with a "lack of commitment" and "a lack of loyalty"
- whether to Him or each other ! ) Well now, did Jesus condemn
her to Hell ? Did he say "Really lady, your not even a Jew, you have been
married 5 times, divorced 5 times, committed adultery scores of times, now you
are living in sin with yet another guy ... there is no hope for you, just pack
you bags and get
ready for Hell ... you have a one way ticket, Ok !" Of course not. Jesus, even knowing all of
these things about her, simply said to her "If you
only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would
give you living water."
Once again, this extreme case
of a very "Naughty Nun" ended happily. I doubt there are many
of you who have been as naughty as this Samaritan woman, but even if you have,
the good news is that God has a very precious gift specifically for you ... forgiveness
and salvation. Simply admit your guilt (you will notice she did not try
and cover hers up - what's the point, we cannot fool God ! ) and ask God and
Jesus for forgiveness and mercy and you will get it ... and a whole new
We are almost ready now to put
all this knowledge to some practical tests. But first, let us look at one more
of Jesus' teachings on these subjects:
"Jesus Anointed by
a Sinful Woman"
Luke 7 36One
of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for a meal, so Jesus accepted
the invitation and sat down to eat. 37A certain immoral woman heard
he was there and brought a beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume. 38Then
she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she
wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting
perfume on them. 39When the Pharisee who was the host saw what was
happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, "This proves that
Jesus is no prophet. If God had really sent him, he would know what kind of
woman is touching him. She's a sinner!" 40Then Jesus spoke up
and answered his thoughts. "Simon," he
said to the Pharisee, "I have something to say to
you." "All right, Teacher," Simon replied, "go
ahead." 41Then Jesus told him this story: "A
man loaned money to two people--five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty
pieces to the other. 42But neither of
them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts.
Who do you suppose loved him more after that?" 43Simon
answered, "I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt." "That's
right," Jesus said. 44Then he turned to the woman and
said to Simon, "Look at this woman kneeling here.
When I entered your home, you didn't offer me water to wash the dust from my
feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair.
45You didn't give me a kiss of greeting, but
she has kissed my feet again and again from the time I first came in. 46You
neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my
feet with rare perfume. 47I tell you,
her sins--and they are many--have been forgiven, so she has shown me much
love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love."
48Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your
sins are forgiven." 49The men at the table said among
themselves, "Who does this man think he is, going around forgiving
sins?" 50And Jesus said to the woman, "Your
faith has saved you; go in peace."
Once again, Jesus did not
condemn Mary (Identified in John 11) to Hell. In fact, He not only
forgave her sins, but declared her "Saved". Now, what must be
understood clearly is that Jesus knew the things Mary had done, for He said:
"I tell you, her
sins--and they are many--have been forgiven, so she has shown me
much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love."
For Jesus to categorize Mary's
sins as "many"
is quite an interesting statement. First of all, let none of us fool ourselves
into believing our sins are "hidden" from Heaven, they are
not ! Secondly, from Heaven's perspective, nothing's new ... not
Mary's sins or mine or yours, and for Jesus to categorize her sins as "many"
signifies strongly that we were looking at a bona-fide "Naughty Nun"
here - likely way naughtier than you have ever been. It is widely
believed that Mary was not only a very sexually promiscuous woman, but also a
prostitute. We may, for a while, be able to hide our sins from each other, but
what does it really matter, since we do not have the power to forgive each
other on behalf of God or condemn each other to Hell - that's clearly in Heaven's
But the part that comes next
is always what truly fascinates me, for we are told (and even expected) to act
in a completely different way by most of our religious leaders and religious
family and friends.
"The Death of
John 11 1A
man named Lazarus was sick. He lived in Bethany with his sisters, Mary and
Martha. 2This is the Mary who poured the expensive perfume on the
Lord's feet and wiped them with her hair. Her brother, Lazarus, was sick. 3So
the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, "Lord, the one you
love is very sick." 4But when Jesus heard about it he said, "Lazarus's
sickness will not end in death. No, it is for the glory of God. I, the Son of
God, will receive glory from this." 5Although Jesus
loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, 6he stayed where he was for the
next two days and did not go to them. 7Finally after two days, he
said to his disciples, "Let's go to Judea
again." 8But his disciples objected.
"Teacher," they said, "only a few days ago the Jewish leaders
in Judea were trying to kill you. Are you going there again?" 9Jesus
replied, "There are twelve hours of daylight every
day. As long as it is light, people can walk safely. They can see because they
have the light of this world. 10Only
at night is there danger of stumbling because there is no light." 11Then
he said, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but
now I will go and wake him up." 12The disciples said,
"Lord, if he is sleeping, that means he is getting better!" 13They
thought Jesus meant Lazarus was having a good night's rest, but Jesus meant
Lazarus had died. 14Then he told them plainly, "Lazarus
is dead. 15And for your sake, I am
glad I wasn't there, because this will give you another opportunity to believe
in me. Come, let's go see him." 16Thomas, nicknamed the
Twin, said to his fellow disciples, "Let's go, too--and die with
Jesus." 17When Jesus arrived at Bethany, he was told that
Lazarus had already been in his grave for four days. 18Bethany was
only a few miles down the road from Jerusalem, 19and many of the
people had come to pay their respects and console Martha and Mary on their
loss. 20When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to
meet him. But Mary stayed at home. 21Martha said to Jesus,
"Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But
even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask." 23Jesus
told her, "Your brother will rise again."
24"Yes," Martha said, "when everyone else rises, on
resurrection day." 25Jesus told her, "I
am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they
die like everyone else, will live again. 26They
are given eternal life for believing in me and will never perish. Do you
believe this, Martha?" 27"Yes, Lord," she
told him. "I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God,
the one who has come into the world from God." 28Then she left
him and returned to Mary. She called Mary aside from the mourners and told
her, "The Teacher is here and wants to see you." 29So
Mary immediately went to him. 30Now Jesus had stayed outside the
village, at the place where Martha met him. 31When the people who
were at the house trying to console Mary saw her leave so hastily, they
assumed she was going to Lazarus's grave to weep. So they followed her there. 32When
Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell down at his feet and said, "Lord, if
you had been here, my brother would not have died." 33When
Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, he was moved
with indignation and was deeply troubled. 34"Where
have you put him?" he asked them. They told him, "Lord, come
and see." 35Then Jesus wept. 36The people who were
standing nearby said, "See how much he loved him." 37But
some said, "This man healed a blind man. Why couldn't he keep Lazarus
"Jesus Raises Lazarus from
38And again Jesus was deeply
troubled. Then they came to the grave. It was a cave with a stone rolled
across its entrance. 39"Roll the stone
aside," Jesus told them. But Martha, the dead man's sister, said,
"Lord, by now the smell will be terrible because he has been dead for
four days." 40Jesus responded, "Didn't
I tell you that you will see God's glory if you believe?" 41So
they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, "Father,
thank you for hearing me. 42You always
hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing
here, so they will believe you sent me." 43Then Jesus
shouted, "Lazarus, come out!" 44And
Lazarus came out, bound in grave clothes, his face wrapped in a head cloth.
Jesus told them, "Unwrap him and let him go!"
Wow ... awesome ! Yes,
it is indeed awesome that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead ... but that's
not why I said "Wow". I mean, Jesus, The Perfect Holy Son of our
Perfect Holy All Powerful God hanging out with Mary and her family and
counting them as His close friends - that's "Naughty naughty Mary "
and her family ... now that's truly awesome ! Don't you get it
yet ? God loves you so very very much ... yes, even (or maybe even
especially) you ... even if you are a "Naughty Nun" ... but you must
act like Mary did - with a contrite heart and soul. Humble yourself before
Jesus and God and all of Heaven. Admit your humanity. Stop any self-deprecating
and damaging behavior, turn your life around ... turn all your needs and hurts
and guilt over to Jesus and to God. Just simply pour out your soul to them ...
they will hear you and welcome you ...do it now ... please !
There you have it ... the very basic foundation of all that
we need to know about Sex and Sexuality. We all are subject to it's appeal ...
and it need not be reason enough to send us off to Hell and to distance us from
the Love of God !
Why would we want to risk the wrath of the religious
establishments and talk so openly about SEX?
Well, Guilt almost always prevents people from living full and rewarding lives. Many times it actually stands in the way of people wanting to get to know God and Jesus and work for Heaven's cause ... many feel "What's the point, I'm Hell bound anyway, I've committed adultery"
or something like that. Well we just want to assure you
nothing could be further from the truth, and we
there are many great examples of Bible ladies (some of whom you have already read about)
that will shoot down those fears of yours and hopefully set you free from guilt and start you on the road to recovery so that you can live a full and happy life - with God at the very center of your life and you and your loved ones bound for Heaven !
You know, personally I have always been fascinated by "Naughty Nuns"
- their passion for love and life as well as their passionately held (but not
always correct) beliefs are very attractive qualities. I get very bored by
people who cannot show passion for anything. I have met and hung-out with
many a "Naughty Nun" in my short but blessedly un-boring life.
I love the twinkle in their eyes ... their mischievous smile ...
their energy for life and for love that they exude. I have found that
they mostly do respect me for keeping my own passions in check and still wanting
to be their friend anyhow, but some do really wonder if they have "lost
their powers". They have not, I just do not wish to render my whole
life and mission meaningless for a momentary dalliance. All the same, I was so
very gratified to read how Jesus also found "Naughty Nuns" such
worthy company ... if you read above how He counted Mary, Martha and Lazarus
amongst His dearest friends. Somehow, all those so called religious folks who look down their noses at me
and others for having any dealings with the
"Naughty Nuns" of the world, just are not able to upset me
anymore. In fact, I pity them and think how very un-like Jesus they have
become, when what we should be doing is striving to become more like Him. I
have a challenge for them: "Set your piety, pride and perfection aside
for a while to become human again ... and associate freely with all the other
sinners too - not just yourself and those in your family or church - you
know, the way Jesus did. You will find that we ALL fall short of the mark,
and that we are all in this together."
So, what qualifies us to talk with you on any of these issues ? Simply put, we care. This is for us is quite literally a
"labor of love". In our early 40's we walked away from a very lucrative life, in the computer industry, to start a rather different kind of a ministerial mission : non-denominational, self-funded
with no membership asked for or required and totally anonymous. Thus there is nothing to gain for us in you pleasing God
and nothing for us to lose either. The gains and losses are entirely yours ! We have already done what is required to secure our own and our family's salvation, and I suppose we could just have gone on with our lives and ignored any other
confused and hurting souls out there - but we were moved by people's plights, and decided that as one little family, we would do our very best to do something about it - with God's inspiration and help.
Has God inspired and helped us ? Well, think on this: In high school I was the
one voted (by my English teacher) to be the one (of his students) least likely
to ever write anything with emotional content or that would move anyone to
anything other than complete boredom. And so it stayed for many years. Now,
throw in the fact that for all of my ancestors, English was a foreign language
that most had (and still do) have trouble speaking. One day, after I became a
Christian at age 37, I began to write ... and found there had been a complete transformation
in my ability to express myself with the written word and in my writing style.
As a result, besides "The Naughty Nun" we do have something very unique to offer you
our own love's story, the story of our love and struggles. It's pretty precious to
us really, so sharing it openly presented a bit of a personal tussle. My wife and I talked about this at some length and decided that rather than just simply shut-up about personal (even very personal) things that have happened in our lives, we would tell others about them in a candid and (hopefully) classy manner - in an effort to help others also struggling with Love, spirituality, sex, lust, friendship, family relationships ... pretty much adult life in general. We also decided, though we own a publishing company, to make it freely available for others to read
because that is how the Good Lord gave this love story to us
freely. To be honest,
we have just barely started telling this story, and have barely touched on
our own humanity, but over time we will share more of it with you. You can read it below (the link - "Young Lovers" points to it) but remember, it will be expanded over time. The story consists of only a few select excerpts - the whole story is just too shocking to reveal right now. What is (somewhat) unique about our love's story ? Well, for starters, while being at least every bit as hot-blooded as anyone else - even from a very early age, now at 45 and 44 respectively, we are still each other's only lover - ever. We have known each other for 30 years now - so you can assume we were childhood sweethearts. Well, in a way we were. Did we date others ? Yes, many. Were we ever tempted by others and have we ever struggled with lust and temptation ? Honestly - Yes
both in our youth and in our adult lives, and this is perfectly normal. How did we stop from
straying ? Our genuine love and concern for each other and our fear of offending God has always managed to override our lust and desires, though obviously this is not a subject that one sentence can do justice to. Do we think this will ever change ? We pray that it will not. Until now, with God's continued Love, guidance and blessing, our love, friendship, loyalty and fear of God has prevailed, and will pray they will continue to do so. Does this make us any "better than" you or anyone else ?
Heck No ! Though it does make us somewhat unusual nowadays-
a bit of an endangered species and it means that we simply have
1 less thing to make us feel guilty. We can sincerely tell you one thing from personal experience
Great Sex is a wonderful side-effect of Great Love and rightfully should result in no guilt - but sometimes does anyway.
However we have noticed that the reverse is seldom true
Sex, even Great Sex, does not often result in Great Love (let alone Love) and frequently results in plenty of Guilt - which very often is effectively temporarily suppressed , but always returns to haunt people's lives and does limit (often severely) their happiness .
The choice is yours ...
The statement we are trying to make is twofold:
Firstly, it is possible for you to stop any damaging behaviors and enjoy a very fulfilling love life (and a great sex life, by the way) that pleases God and yourselves - FULLY !
Secondly (and more importantly), NOTHING you have ever done involving SEX can separate you from the Love of God - if only you ask for and accept His forgiveness, Love, redemption and salvation.
Sex can be more addictive (by far) than smoking or drug use
in fact it is often used as a narcotic by people to deal with other problems in their lives - most all of which are emotional and/or spiritual. People substitute sex for many personal needs, but as with a crutch, it can at best only help you limp along when what you really need is to be able to walk freely, confidently and enjoyably. It's allure is so powerful that overcoming the urge to engage in inappropriate sexual activities is very often tougher than quitting smoking or kicking a drug habit. But, what's not possible for us as humans, is possible for us with God's help. Does this mean NO SEX ? Heck no ! Just no inappropriate sex. Now this is where we may be of some help to you. You see, not understanding what is "appropriate" and "inappropriate" is what leads to guilt, and guilt very effectively stands in the way of true happiness and success - in almost every aspect of one's life. We want to make sure, as best we can, that you do not suffer inappropriate guilt, and that you do understand that guilt is sometimes appropriate - but even then there is a very effective way to deal with guilt !
No, inappropriate Sex is NOT the worst sin, though it often is made to seem that way. It is way down on the list actually - in fact it is well below even PRIDE, and that is what
those many preachers, pastors, priests, ministers, reverends, bishops, rabbis etc. display a lot of
when looking down their noses at you
... for being human.
Perhaps in the future we will try to deal with these matters in a more comprehensive
manner, but in the meanwhile, just trust
us when we tell you that NO sex-sin can ever stop you from achieving God's mercy and His forgiveness - BUT "fessing up to your sins" privately - to God and/or Jesus, is essential ! You cannot just simply overlook them - neither will God
BUT He will forgive them - when genuinely asked to do so.
We know ... "We have been there and done that".
Till later then
God bless !
we are ready to start applying this methodology